A Contemplator

It’s an odd thing to be a contemplator. 

I feel like I need to wallow around in some thoughts…get lost in them, explore them, and find my way through.  Someone can tell me the answer and in fact, I might even state it at the outset of the adventure.  But in the pursuit and the contemplation, I find it deeper and truer. I like to do it in conversation, but it takes too much of most people’s time. 

It’s like looking at a flower or seeing a sunset or waterfall.  You can see the picture and acknowledge the beauty and go on. Or you can stay just there and look at the intricacies of the petals, the flowing of the colors, the wonder of the leaves and the dinner time activities of the plant.  You can consider the place where it grew, the soil, the planter’s hand and care.  You can mull over the insects that nurture it or are nurtured by it.  You can wonder that this is part of your world.  That’s contemplating.

It is something that gives me life and fullness.  Just now, I’m feeling like I’m missing this aspect in my relationship with God.  I have walked with him for almost 40 years. I have contemplated and basked in His love…but right now, I’m a bit caught up in all the “important” things that I need to cultivate.  I need to memorize the word – I want to.  I need to write – I feel this as a calling.  I need to develop purposeful community – I’m working on it. I want to be faithful in prayer. I want to be consistent in some exercise, however limited. I need to finish homeschooling well.  I need to develop a plan for the next steps after homeschooling.  I’m trying to be faithful to all the things I’m involved in.  I am trying to be a better housekeeper and homemaker.  It’s really like a long to do list.  Sometimes, the time for contemplation just doesn't come around often.  I look at my Savior and His attributes and I appreciate their beauty and what it means to me…but I don’t contemplate.  I don’t savor.  I taste and put it in the recipe book.

That’s sad.  And hard.  And needs to be remedied.  So the first thing my brain says is to schedule this on the calendar like all the other things.  When will contemplation be on the to do list?  And then don’t we contemplate all the time?  Or couldn't we?

I need a plan… or the longing to grow… to make it happen.

If you are hungry enough, you will eat – no matter how busy you are.  The problem is you eat junk to hide the need from yourself.  Let’s not do that.