Being Brave for Christmas

Sunday...

So, I read this post on Facebook and it was about celebrating the holidays with random acts of kindness.  It inspired me and it scared me.  I would love to be able to be the kind of thoughtful person who did things that made people feel special.  I would love to stop rushing and stop being into my to-do list long enough to see others.   Last year I wanted to write thank you notes through the month of November and this year I remembered that idea when the month was almost over.  I didn't do any of it.

I see an idea that sparks my interest and imagination.  I get excited and see the wonderful ramifications of the idea.  I start going down the path.  This usually happens on Saturday.  I wallow around in creativity and inspiration.  Then, Monday happens and it always seems to be followed by a bunch of other days that are full of school and work and meals and all kinds of demands and all the ideals that were inspiring on Saturday feel like a weight and a way to fail by about Thursday. 

This has happened enough times that when I feel that spark, it is almost always followed by a nagging fear and a negative voice.  "You'll fail by Thursday. It's not that great of an idea. It won't make a difference.  It doesn't really matter.  Why add stress to your life?"  Here I'm stopped before I begin.  On Saturday, I read or see or think of new ideas and the cycle starts again. 

God is teaching me to be brave.  This year - this Christmas season - I'm going to commit to doing three new things.  They will be easy and do-able.  They might not matter to anyone but me.  (Or so the negative voice in my head says.)  I will plan what they will be and I will write them on my blog.  Even though few read it, I will use it like an accountability partner for creativity because I need this.  I'm not trying to write about what a great person I am because I'm doing something, but I need to write that I succeeded or that I failed instead of letting the negative  stop me before I even start.  This is where we find courage and love and grace and beauty.

Feel free to cheer me on or join me if you like. 

My Three New Ideas:

- Make Snowflake garland for our tree (might not be done until next year)

- Celebrate 12 Days of Christmas - to do twelve random acts of  kindness

- Sing/Play one Christmas carol per day in December (any time of day)

Monday...

I was brave yesterday.  Just a little brave.  I stopped by the home of my friend who posted that article on Facebook.  I just stopped by on my way home unannounced.  Even though she wasn't there, I dropped of little candy canes for her family.  Now I have little candy canes in my car to give to whomever I want. 

You might not think that it was brave to do that.  I mean, what did I have to face or fight back to be able to do it, and how hard was that anyway?  It's an easy act, a fun act, a "no big deal" kind of act.  For me, buying those candy canes that "don't matter" was a bigger deal - because it meant that I'm really going to do this thing.  Yes, I took a fairly easy first step - but the point is that I took it.  That's the brave part.  That's fighting back the negative voices and the "You'll fail by Thursday" thoughts and just buying some silly candy canes and turning them into something special.  Was the delivery of little candy canes to the children life changing?  Probably not.  That's not negative, that's just fact.  However, it is the training of my heart here that is the big deal.  Yes, I want to bless others - to learn to be brave enough to try to bless others - to grow the habit of being a blessing - to believe I even can be one.  This is what is brave.  This is what is faced or fought. 

Yesterday, I won.  Today, I might not, but the idea that I am armed with candy canes for next steps is a little exciting.

Wednesday...

Monday came and while I wrote about a victory on Sunday, There have not been random acts to be found this far and today is Wednesday.  Today, I must intentionally set out to accomplish one of my goals.  This sounds a little artificial, but it's like the thankful list and the thankful muscle.  It gets easier as you use it.  I'm working on stretching out a frozen shoulder these days and I see progress as I continue to be disciplined in my exercises.  The more I work on stretching, the more it moves without pain.  I think there is a physical and spiritual correlation happening here that I didn't think about until now.  I'll write again on Friday to note if I make any progress or if I fall back into the "Inspired on Saturday - Failed by Thursday" mode again.  Knowing I have to come back here and write that might be what I need to motivate me to pick something and do it! 

Friday...

By Thursday, as it tradition, I hadn't done much to pursue my 12 days and 4 days have gone by.  However, quickly, as I went through the drive through yesterday to pick up some fries for a colleague's birthday, I handed the drive-thru worker a candy cane, smiled, and mumbled "Merry Christmas" and drove away.  Yeah, not my shining moment of blessing others, but moving past the failure.  I said I would use this journal to record my success and failure and it seems that battles are won slowly sometimes. 

Last night in our advent devotional, Ann challenged us to go to a neighbor's house we had never been to and bless them and include a Christmas card about Jesus.  My first response is that it is way too scary to do that.  What will they think?  They will probably lump me in with people who just push their religion on others.  Sad to say, this my true response.   So, I wonder how I can do it and if I will do it.  I thought about taking them some of the yummy yeast rolls I made last night, but these days so many people are eating gluten-free that it's hard to know whether they will be able to even eat it.  I guess for someone you don't know yet, it's the thought that counts.  I wonder if I can find an idea of what to give that doesn't involve food.  I don't know.  I have a feeling this will not be a day to shine.  (Can you hear that voice in my head talking me out of a good idea?)

Now that I think of it, I did offer to watch a friend's children while she went to the doctor today.  I don't know if my offer was too little too late, but it does count towards kindness.  It's an idea on the list.  I might need to be careful not to count the things I'm already doing as random acts so that I am checking off my list without really following through.  But then again, why not count them?  It's still kindness and it's still good.

So with that in mind, I'll add that I did take those fries to that colleague.  My kids did go over to Grandma's and help her decorate the tree for Christmas.  I also went to the grocery store and got milk, bread, and batteries for Grandma as well.  Remember, I'm not really trying to tell you how awesome I am, I'm trying to see the victory and celebrate it and give you the freedom to celebrate in your world, too.

Saturday...

I wasn't too late to watch my friend's children during the doctor appointment yesterday.  So this got to be part of my quest.  Of course, it's Saturday again and the juices of what to do are flowing and I'm excited about my idea again.  That's okay, there is some kindness going on around here and that is the goal anyway. 

One of the really amazing parts of pushing yourself out to do what your heart really wants to do but your mind convinces you that it's too much trouble is that the kick-back can be just what you need.  When I went to "watch" my friend's children, this is what really happened... 

I stopped my hectic day and went to a clean, quiet house with sleeping children where someone had baked chocolate chip cookies just for me.  I got a hug and a smile from a dear friend.  I got to sit and crochet in a comfy seat with the soothing smell of a fireplace surrounding me.  I got to dress a sweet three year old and was the recipient of after nap waking up cuddles.  We enjoyed conversation and cookies.   It was the one of the most delightful times of the week. 

Yes, this is the way I bless the world around me - I almost feel like it doesn't count because it was such a blessing to me.  My friend might think I helped her, but it really was a help to me.  Doesn't God work in wonderful ways?  

Wonder what He'll do next?  I hope I'm brave enough to find out.