Monday...
I finished my 100th snowflake yesterday. I actually made more than 100 counting the ones I have given away. I'm happy that I pursued the project and it makes me happy to think about it. Now I've got to string them all together. I'm starting to wonder if this is a good idea. I'm starting to think about how they could get tangled and knotted. I realize again that I imagine all the ways things won't work out.
Christmas is NEXT Week. By the time any of you read this it will be in a few days. That means if I'm going to manage to accomplish my three goals, I need to get to it. I guess I'm actually just talking about the 12 days project. The snowflake garland is definitely on the way; though I think it is only half done. The Christmas Carol challenge cannot be completed with victory since I have already missed out on some days, though I will keep trying to finish well. So it's really about this challenge of kindnesses. I'm thinking I need to put it on the calendar.
It's funny about me these days. I didn't used to be like this, but if I want to accomplish anything, it almost has to be on my calendar. Simple things, like writing here for example, are on my calendar. When I want to prioritize something, I put it on the calendar. If I don't put it on the calendar, then I probably don't prioritize it. I feel a little guilty about this. It feels a little like a lack of self control or weak convictions about important things. Maybe there's some truth in that. Or maybe I'm trying to train myself to a habit. I put down these optional tasks on the calendar in hopes that they become routine. It has worked for me before.
A few years ago (and even today) a popular homemaker's helper was named "Flylady" and I implemented some of her ideas into my life. A few of them became habits after repeated use. They wouldn't appear on my calendar because they are just part of what I do. For example, most days of the year when I get up, I "get dressed to my shoes." It became a habit and I feel pretty lazy if I don't do it and probably am sick. I almost always lay out my clothes the night before, so I can get ready quickly in the morning. I don't think about this anymore; I just do it. It did take some training and checklists to make it a habit though.
So I guess that I'm doing that here as well - putting things in my calendar to try to train myself in what is important to me when life tends to try to take me in all of its myriads of directions. So, I think I'll go now and plan some fun activities for the week, so all those distractions and excuses don't win the battle and keep me from my goal. We'll see how it goes.
Wednesday...
I didn't do the sidewalk chalk blessing like I planned on Monday. It was a full day (it seems like I always say that!) and we plan to do it today. However, I started getting a cold on Monday and yesterday I felt worse and today isn't much better so far. It is still on the calendar for today - at the moment. Since the weather is looking like rain for the weekend, we need to go ahead and do it, if we are going to.
Being sick also makes it hard to sing Christmas carols. This is disappointing. I don't spend all that much time singing anymore, but if I can't, it is rather depressing. However, it does bring home the fact that I need not neglect something that is so refreshing and life giving to me. I did play the piano yesterday for a little bit, trying to figure out the chords to an old medley that I use to do at Christmas when I led worship. I never got it quite right, but I think I'll work on it more today.
I did start stringing my snowflakes together and they look beautiful. I wasn't sure how I would do it, but with a little help from my daughter, we figured it out and it's quick and easy to do - though it will actually take many more snowflakes than I originally intended. It's okay since I have given myself permission not to be done by Christmas.
Friday....
Time is ticking away and Christmas is almost here. I feel a little like I have spent too much time on this project here and not enough time on thoughtful gifts for my own children. I wonder if the voices ever stop that try to accuse us of not being enough.
I do need to report that we accomplished our mission for Wednesday! We did draw a big gift and write Merry Christmas on the neighbor's driveway. My youngest daughter helped me and it was quite fun and didn't take very long. Since we wanted to be covert about it, we don't really necessarily get to know if they enjoyed it or not because they don't generally go outside all that much and neither do we, so it would be likely that we would never know if the kids enjoyed it. However, as is the case so many times with God, He allowed me a little glimpse. Our dog started barking and I heard children's voices outside. So I took a peek out the front door and I saw the mom and the two kids outside on the driveway where we had put the art. It looked like one of them might have adding her own art to the driveway. I don't know for sure, but it was a nice thought to know that they were enjoying it. I wonder what they said and if it blessed them. I hope so.
I also need to report that we missed the trash removal people. I had a package ready for them but I didn't really want to put it on the trash can. I kept listening and watching, but I missed them. I should have tried last week. I need to work on that plan. Perhaps I'll think of something by next year, or maybe someone will suggest something that worked for them. Maybe I'll just get over it and put it on top of the trashcan.
Today, I have some more adventures ahead. I want to take candy to the people at the bank. I already told you about my bank. I also want to take some to the "mail place". This is where I go to deliver packages and buy stamps. It's not the post office officially, but it is another place where I'm known. I used to make peanut butter balls every Christmas and would take a box of them to the mail place. The guy there would refer to them as "buckeyes" and would look forward to them every year. Two years ago was the last time that I made them. We grew tired of them and the people that were used to receiving them and really appreciated it all moved away - except for the people at the mail place. I felt guilty for not making "buckeyes" for them. It was like I had forgotten someone important. Last year, I purchased peanut butter cups and delivered them almost as a guilt offering. Last year, I was sick so I had a bit more of an excuse. Already this year, they joked with me about not giving me service until the buckeyes arrived. It is so good to be known like that - to feel appreciated and remembered. It also makes me wonder if I should be making peanut butter balls just for them. I'll have to decide by Monday I guess.
I could also convince myself that this is the problem with all this kindness. If you get into a habit of it, then people come to expect it and then you feel obligated and you are no longer giving out of the overflow but out of obligation so that you don't disappoint people. If you get here, you have lost the purpose and the gift is fairly useless in some ways. That's not to say that there are times when giving is sacrificial and that giving takes effort and attitude adjustments. Attitude adjustments are often a good thing.
Saturday...
I woke up this morning and realized I forgot to send any Christmas cards. That's not so much a big deal because I'm rather inconsistent about it anyway. I used to love making cards and sending them out. Then I stopped loving it and eventually stopped doing it. But today I realized that there are some people that I really do want to send greetings to and I haven't done it. Some of them might even read what I'm writing here and then wonder about all this Christmas kindness when they didn't even get a card. If that's you, I'm sorry.
I can't seem to get it all right. That's part of the holiday stress I think - trying to get it all right - trying to make sure we remember everyone that is special to us and trying to make sure that we don't forget anyone on our list that we really meant to remember and worried about people will think of us if we do forget. The joy gets robbed right from us. I don't want that to happen. I wouldn't want that to happen to you if you didn't send me a card or something. I wouldn't want you to be stressed about it. I'd rather not have it if it costs you that. I would rather have you lost in trying to be brave than to worry about "getting it right".
If I did nothing on my list, but brought my heart to God and worshiped at His feet and laid down all my failures before Him and received Love - it would be a good Christmas. If I get to do that and a little more and thank Him for the wonder of being able to do anything at all, we can definitely call that a win.
No comments:
Post a Comment