Monday....
I woke up this morning wondering about my
three things and my twelve days and what any of it has to do with celebrating
Jesus. I started to think about it just
being caught up in the trappings of things to do at Christmas and that it might
be stealing the simplicity of Christmas.
What does crocheting hundreds of snowflakes to make snowflake garland
have to do with Christ anyway? Singing
Christmas carols could be considered worshiping... sometimes. Doing random acts of kindness should be
characteristic of Christ-followers on all of our days.
Yes, I'm one of those that wants meaning
infused into all these things. I don't
want superfluous decorations or to-do lists.
So I have to ask myself - Why?
And if I can answer it satisfactorily, then I can go on doing it.
Now I do want you to know that I do recognize
that this line of thinking is waking me on Monday morning with a full week and
anticipated Thursday "failure" coming soon. It is not lost on me. This does not change the need to answer the
question.
The random acts of kindness I can quickly
find the why behind. This is a good
season to start a habit. Just like
Thanksgiving is a good season to start a life of thankfulness, the Christmas
season of giving is a good time to start a season of giving kindness to bless
those around us. Like I said, this
should be characteristic of a Christ-follower, so let's exercise that muscle
and get it in working order. Perhaps
with exercise, it won't be a to-do list, but random kindness will become a part
of who I am and what I do. This is
definitely worth pursuing.
The Christmas carols. Currently, I'm in a season where my youngest
daughter plays the piano and sings every day.
Most of the time, I realize what a gift this is. Too many times, I don't join her in this
shared passion of music. Will I stop to
develop this new habit? Perhaps singing
a Christmas carol a day will help. It's
interesting when I think through the why of what I'm doing that so much of the
why that matters doesn't really have to do only with the Christmas season, but
with the stuff of life. These things are
not just something to do at Christmas, but the impetus to develop a habit that
will stick. Thinking through the
"why" brings more meaning to the "what". It also makes it a little more difficult to
fulfill it. Yesterday, we sang Christmas
songs at church, so I checked that off my list for the day. This morning I realize that didn't really
fulfill the why of singing a Christmas carol a day. Maybe very few days so far have fulfilled it.
How I sing today will most likely be
changed.
Finally, the garland. I don't find significance in the
garland. I'm making snowflakes. I'm making garland and I've come from a
history of not even being sure that we should have a tree and here I am spending
spare minutes on crocheting snowflakes.
What am I thinking? I'm thinking
about the crocheted ornaments on my tree that my sweet grandmother made for me... that these are special and remind me of her
love. The garland will be beautiful and
will be made with love. I can hang in on
the tree or around a window or wherever I want.
It brings me joy to make these snowflakes. The creative parts in me breathe and come to
life thinking that I can add beauty to my home.
I
spent some years thinking that I couldn't do that. I spent more time fighting the value of
creating beauty in my home than I'd like to say. Creative pursuits have long been considered
extra and superfluous and unnecessary when there are so many other things that
need to be done, like cleaning for example.
It would be much better to put away the boxes that held decorations that
have been sitting in the room than to sit and crochet a snowflake. That's what I hear. However, to crochet a snowflake is a simple
joy and a simple gift that I can do now.
As I age, I might not be able to see well enough or my hands may not be
able to move well enough. So I want to
make these now while I have the gift of being able to. I'll get to the boxes at some point and even
if I don't, it's more beautiful to live the creative joy and accept this gift
that God has given than to be weighed down by a to-do list.
Wednesday....
Well, I haven't done one thing on the list
this week yet. I told you it happens
this way. I do keep stitching away at
snowflakes - I have 60 now. I think it
will take about 200 for my project. I
also try to keep singing Christmas carols, but I can't say that I know for sure
that I've done it every day.
So it's Wednesday and Thursday is tomorrow
and it seems like a deadline. I keep
trying to type that I have an excuse that it's been rainy the past few days,
but somehow it sounds lame now matter what words I choose. Today, the sun is coming up and even though
it looks like the thermometer forgot to, I have a little more hope that I'll
squeeze one of these fun activities into the day today. I hate to commit to it, and write it here
where I will have to record that I did or did not do it. However, I think that's why I started writing
this. If I remember correctly the
purpose of putting this out there was to create accountability for me and
perhaps some inspiration for you.
Today, I will have about 30 minutes of free
time to spend in Lexington and I think Laura Beth and I will head to the Dollar
Store and either hand out dollars to kids in the store, or hide dollars in
among the toys. I will get some dollars
from the bank and this will be our outing today. It's rather exciting. I hope we find kids to give them to.
There's only about 13 more days until Christmas,
so I really need to get going on my list of things that I would like to
do. I hope the weather holds so we can
write Merry Christmas in sidewalk chalk on our neighbor's driveway. I think it will be fun. Maybe we can do that on Friday.
It is a little crazy to me how something
simple can intimidate me when it could just as well bring a smile to my
face. Ann talked in her advent video
this past Sunday about how Satan is the prosecutor and he is continually
prosecuting us and inspiring us to prosecute others. I hadn't thought of it that way, but it's
true. He accuses and brings all kinds of
negative talk into play until we are paralyzed.
If we listen long enough, we don't even need him to speak the lies, we
have them memorized and repeat them continually. It is important to recognize what is
happening and to fill our minds with truth.
We may even need to write out the thoughts and sift through them to
recognize the lies and to combat them with truth until it comes immediately. Sometimes, we need to speak the lies out loud
with ones who love us so they can help us identify what is true and what is
not. Usually, we don't want to do that
because we recognize the lie as soon as it slips from our lips, and we don't
want others to think we actually believe this nonsense. But we do.
It needs to come to the light so these words can be shown for what they
are and stripped of their power. Then
the words of truth and life and hope can take their place and the smile will
come as a natural result and thanksgiving will overflow.
Thursday...
So, I did it.
The schedule changed several times yesterday so I could have skipped,
but I didn't. I told my youngest
daughter what we were going to do and she didn't seem very excited, but I
stayed the course. Plans don't always
work out the way we imagine that they might.
There was only one child in the whole store and I waited until he was
near his mama and I handed him a dollar and said Merry Christmas. I think he was glad. I will tell you it felt pretty
uncomfortable. I don't know why. The mama said thank you and we went on
through the store. We wandered around
looking for more kids but didn't find any.
I think we were both relieved as we began to look for other places to
hide a dollar. It felt like we might
get in trouble and had to hide or something.
It also turns out that the dollar store we went to doesn't carry many
toys any more. I remember when my kids
were little there was a whole aisle bursting with little trinkets. I think we found about half of one row that
was dedicated to toys. We opted for some
other places to hide things - in a sock, in a stocking, and under some candy. As
we left, I got to talk through with my
daughter about how it was good to go outside our comfort zones and about how I
wrote on the blog about talking myself out of good ideas. She had her own good idea of what we could do
to bless others and she also talked herself out of it. So I think she got the message. I told her that it was like exercising a
muscle. We have to get over the negative
voices in our head that condemn good actions and go on with the blessing. I am imagining that it will get easier to
think about it and actually put a plan in motion as you dismiss the negative
talk.
We could talk ourselves out of planting
dollars at the dollar store because it seems that it's just joining the
Christmas fad and not authentically blessing others. It might be true that I liked an idea of
facebook and wanted to join in. It might
also be true that it makes me feel better about myself when I'm giving. So, what about any of those things deems
"giving and blessing" a bad thing to do? Nothing at all. It's good to evaluate motives. It is good to avoid fads. It is not good to throw out the good because
we aren't completely pure.
I like to think that someone walked into the
dollar store and it was a surprise to find a dollar there among the
merchandise. I like to think that they
will tell a story about a hard day they were having and a little extra blessing
that came their way when they needed it.
I like to do this in quietness and hopefully later I will. Even writing on this blog about all this
feels a little wrong. We're supposed to
bless in secret not in public. The point
of sharing my story is not so I can talk about what I've done, but about the
thoughts that I had to fight on the way, and the success that others can find
if they journey with me. I suppose that
here, too, I have mixed motives, since I also want you to celebrate the victory
with me - but I'm not going to let mixed motives stop progress this time.
I want to be purified in all aspects of my
life but if I spend all my time purifying and waiting to have perfect motives
and theology and attitudes, I will likely spend all my time stoking the
refining fire rather than actually being in it.
In the expressing of our faith,
we find much more refinement as holiness comes into contact with humanity. We see the disparity and we cry out for
more. We find our lack and God's
provision. I want to be part of
this.
Friday...
Yesterday, I put a candy cane in the little
tube at the bank that used to bring lollipops to my girls or dog treats to my
dog. It was kind of fun to be on the
giving end of that exchange. It brought
a smile to the face the bank teller. I
really like my bank, by the way. It's
one of the places where I feel a little like I live in a small town where I'm
known. We so easily get lost in the mass
of humanity and just getting through a line.
We are looked at as the next person to get through a line and we look at
the workers as people who need to make things go smoothly and not get in our
way. Somehow, we forget about the people
behind the roles. At my bank, they have
done a good job of scripting to make me feel at home. They always greet me and ask me how I am at
the drive-thru window. Often, they
greet me by name when they see me - not just when they look at my deposit. The guy in the back office always smiles and
waves when I go inside and greets me by name if he walks by. They all look me in the eye when they talk to
me. I feel a little known. It's great to feel this way and I'm happy to show my appreciation.
Saturday...
I usually put up my blog post on Saturday
morning, but today has been a making day.
I haven't had a day like this in a long time and it was quite
delightful. I usually have to leave home
in order to forget all the to-do lists, but this time I forgot them and enjoyed
making things - soup, rolls, gifts, and conversation. It was a treasure and a joy. I didn't go out and do any of my kindness
list items and I could say it was the rain again. I'll have to work on the kindness list next
week. Today was full and I'm going to
relax tonight. It was a good week. I hope you can take time for that in the
midst of blessing others at Christmas.
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