Wondering About Lent...

Today begins Lent in the Christian calendar.  I felt that I should "give something up" for Lent and asked the Lord what it should be.  He answered and I wasn't happy about it.  It showed me how selfish and ungrateful I am.  I started doubting the whole "Lent thing" but I knew it was because I didn't want to give up one of my favorite things.  It's just a religious exercise after all and we don't earn our salvation so what difference does it really make.  The fact that these thoughts came all at once and quite naturally is more than a bit disturbing.  I complained to my kids about what was required and I'm sure I wanted them to feel sorry for me - although that thought did not come to mind consciously.  Have I ever mentioned I can be a brat?

Yes, so our rebellious little selves can betray even us to get what they want.  I decided I should look online for some inspiring thoughts about Lent.  I also wanted to figure out why when I count back from Easter until today I get 46 days and not the 40 I thought. 

The initial inquiry was disheartening.  I came to understand that Sundays don't count for Lent, because Sundays should always be feast days.  I read about councils deciding which days and what should be done...how Lent works one way in the US and other ways in different countries.  It seemed totally like people were trying to know the rules so they could make sure they weren't breaking them.  When does Lent begin and when does it end?  I need to know, so I can be sure to deprive myself as little as possible.  It was all very sterile and rule driven.

I got out my Trail to the Tree candle wreath and set it on the table.  I don't know how I'll incorporate this into my life yet.  I'm still figuring it out.  When I got the wooden figure of a  bent Christ carrying a cross that I will see for the next six weeks, it seemed that something about Lent in what I was reading was unbalanced.  I knew it was, but the part of me that wants to retain all my comforts wanted to dismiss Lent, while the small voice that sees the bent figure sighs at the depth of my sin.  Today, I see this and the forty unlit candles and I know my faithful God will teach me on this journey.